*This is kind of a sad post*
So tonight my heart is heavy.
Since the loss happened I have been holding fast to the belief that I would someday have the opportunity to raise my boy. That I would get to experience the sweet joy of seeing him raised to a man. But everything I could find online and through the lds.org does not promise that, especially for a miscarriage.
So this leaves me with many questions that are not answered: Is it still considered a miscarriage if the pregnancy is halfway over? Or is it considered a stillborn? Why isn't there more revelation on this? My boy had a body, had a heartbeat (I SAW it beating), had LIFE in him - how can he not be considered as part of my family? What has become of his spirit? What will become of his tiny body at the resurrection? Does he know who I am? Does he know that I am his mom who still mourns for the loss of him? Does he look down on me from heaven and watches over loni, myself and his sisters? Will I see him one day and recognize who he is (or will he recognize me)? Am I a bad mom if I do not think of him every day?
All I can do is hope. And hope that my hope is not in vain. For I am still waiting to meet you, Lon Athan Weaver. My love is still flying to you on angel's wings; sweet dreams and God speed, little man.
5 comments:
Oh, Kristy, all my love to you... I hope you find the answers you are looking for. I like to think that some children are so perfect already that they need not experience our earthly home. I think that's what your little Lon did. All my best.
I haven't heard much on the subject either. Just hopeful thoughts. However, I DO know that our Father in Heaven has a plan for all of us. Even little Lon. He existed, and received his body. I have a hard time thinking that the Lord put you through that just for a learning experience. (which I'm sure it was) There has to be more. I'm pretty sure that Lon is watching over you and anxiously awaiting your return Home.
Keep the faith. You are a beautiful daughter of Heavenly Father, and MOTHER to Lon. :)
Kristy, I can't imagine how difficult it is for you to have a little baby and be separated from him. It makes me teary-eyed just thinking about it.
I strongly believe that Lon Athan received a body and that was all he needed. Because you and Loni are sealed in the temple, he was born under the covenant which means that you are eternally tied to each other and any children you have.
I found this in the Priesthood handbook about our temple responsibilities for submitting names in the temple. I hope it is relevant to your questions.
4. No ordinances are necessary for children who are stillborn. However, If there is any possibility that a child lived after birth, he or she should be sealed to the parents, unless the child was born in the covenant (meaning that the child’s parents were sealed before he or she was born).
5. Children who died before age eight and were not born in the covenant need only to be sealed to their parents. They do not need any other ordinances.
(http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?hideNav=1&locale=0&sourceId=ce169207f7c20110VgnVCM100000176f620a____&vgnextoid=ba805f74db46c010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD)
You are a great Mom! and I don't think it is bad if you don't think about him every day. I would think of it as a blessing from the Lord that you don't have to carry the weight with you all the time. The Lord loves you and knows you.
Maybe he could answer some of your questions of if Lon watches over you all?
I love you too and I hope you find the answers you need to bring you peace.
I'm so sorry Kristy. I truly believe (as do my parents who suffered many miscarriages, and a still-born), that those sweet spirits will be with us again someday. Our children here on earth are not the only children we will have the opporutnity to raise. Love you sweet girl, and you're in my prayers!!
So I've been thinking a lot about your post... I read it a while back and was afraid to comment because I have no experience in this particular kind of loss but I have a few friends who have had similar losses and I think what stands out the most in my mind when I think about all of you is that losing a child under the age of 8 makes living the gospel SO much more important.
I've been thinking about this because those I know who have been in your situation aren't living the gospel. They've been taught about the atonement and know what they need to do to return to our Heavenly Father but they have lost their way. In this reference I'm not talking about you or your family but soley about the other people in my life who have experienced this.
Really if a family is to be eternal and together forever, as a parent you really need to do as much as you can to return to that child some day. They are guaranteed a spot at the Lords feet. They have to do nothing more to get there. And as a parent that would life a burden off my mind. However, it then makes our responsibility so much greater because we need to make sure we do everything in our power to return to not only our Father in heaven but to the babies that have passed on before the age of accountability. We've lost them once. To lose them again for eternity would be so much harder.
I hope you find comfort in the children that you have now and know that your little boy DOES know you. He understands your pain and he's seen your heartbreak. He knows you care for him greatly and he has the same love for you. Most importantly he DOES LIVE and he's waiting for you to return to him so you can be an eternal family. We all need to make sure we live accordingly so that we can return to the ones we love someday.
Post a Comment